Extra Marital Affairs

Affairs are loaded with romanticism, morality, mythology, and intense emotions. They're not really about sex, but about pain and fear and the desire to feel alive. They're also about betrayal.

 

When you accuse a partner of wrongdoing, partners will typically get defensive, offer an (insincere) apology designed to stop your attack, and hide and conceal similar behavior in the future

 

The long term outcome of directly confronting a partner is increased distance, less understanding and greater dissatisfaction, no true resolution, and increased future conflict.  A more effective approach involves focusing on one’s feelings, not a partner’s behavior.

 

The best way to resolve relationship problems involves focusing on one’s feelings, rather than blaming a partner for what happened (even if, your partner deserves blame).

It is easier for a partner or spouse to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes.  When trying to discuss a problem - it's important not to assign blame. When both parties are willing to come to therapy, marriages can be saved.